Thought Depository 3

Bai, lazily reaching out a fuzzy paw.

Poom.

I'm home at my Mom's place watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade on NBC, putting me in the right mood to be reflective and blog. I have so many backlogged pictures from all the adventures over the last few months, you can expect a sudden burst of productivity over the next week! :) Also mainly because there's nothing to do except watch Korean dramas and comment on the endless series of cute baby animal pictures Mom likes to show me.

I've managed to come to NY probably 3-4 times a year due to work reasons. It's very frequent, which lessens the pressure to perform a musical chairs mad diner dash each time. Inevitably however, as much as I try to meet up as many friends as I can, I still end up missing a huge swath of people. I just hate reciting a Wikipedia entry of my life (tired of listening to myself), and it helps a lot when people clear out their schedule to make things work. It makes meeting up easy and natural and a no-brainer.

There's really nothing tragic or personal about not being able to see someone. I know that I've been weeded out by others through the years. Each relationship is like a Venn Diagram, each person being a circle. Circumstantial friendships occur when the overlapping area between the circles occur due to outside environmental factors. Deep friendships occur when the overlapping area between the circles are factors that are inherently immutable between the two individuals, whether through interests, values, perspectives, humor, etc.

Perhaps this is a bit premature to say, and even disappointing to hear, but it's pointless to "fight" for an tenuous relationship. The only exception may be for my immediate family (and that goes into cultural values and defies any mode of logic). Relationships are connections between mutually dependent people. Certain needs are extremely deep, such as ones between parent and child. Certain needs are conditional, such as between employee and employer.

But it is always painful when someone pulls away when you still need, want, or value them... this is social Darwinism, and it's good to remind myself that THIS. IS. HEALTHY! We deserve to be surrounded by people who love and cherish us, either of our choosing or theirs. It's not a bad thing to change things up when it increases our availability to those who are willing to maintain a connection, to bring value into your life.

However, there is never ever any need to "destroy" a relationship unless you're trying to make an ego-based power play. That is quite selfish and short-sighted. Since a relationship is a connection between two people, it exists both in positive and negative form. For a relationship to not exist, theoretically all it requires is for someone to peacefully walk/fade away. Any move that breeds hurt strengthens and compounds this relationship into another monstrous version that, well, can haunt us for a very very long time. That's obviously not the best rational choice.

I really want to find Peace in everything I do, in how I treat others and how I strive to achieve my goals.

Even if something upsets me, I hope I can always be strong enough to deal with that pain myself, not let it multiply onto others. Every action that we take, big or small, should be of worth. I realize that perhaps the thought processes above have been echoed in my past blog entries many times, but writing all this out helps me really organize them into something more solid, and hopefully actionable. These last few days I was really challenged but I think I did a good job in overcoming some primal (spectacularly destructive) impulses. Thanks Vicki. :)

I am thankful for a healthy body and mind.
I am thankful for my family, who have always been so supportive even if they don't agree with everything I do.
I am thankful for the many wonderful friends that have made Shanghai feel like home.
I am thankful for the many wonderful friends in New York who welcome me home.
I am thankful for the many wonderful friends I have around the world who make anywhere feel like home.
I am thankful for opportunities to refine my goals and desires.
I am thankful for challenges that allow me to grow.
I am thankful for being able to live a comfortable life where I can indulge in little luxuries without too much guilt.
I am thankful for having the resources to go on adventures and fill my life with as much experiences as possible.

I am thankful for the chance to seek answers with God.
I am thankful to be alive! :D

Happy Thanksgiving y'all.