A few asked why I don't blog as frequently anymore, and they miss my writing. That is such a huge compliment, thank you so so much.... I'm very touched, and I really really mean it. I never thought of myself as a [positive adjective] writer, but in writing I try my best to convey my thoughts clearly, honestly, and in a way that amuses myself and any potential reader. I write pretty much the way I think in a stream of consciousness. Writing out loud.
I don't have as much light-hearted content that I feel comfortable sharing with the public this year. When I started the blog, it was just to remind and highlight things that make me happy, or things that I want to remember forever. That had encompassed three things: friends, family, and travel. This year, I haven't had much to write about on all three, which sounds a bit sad, but it's because I've been concentrating on another important aspect in my life -- work. Work isn't just merely a job, a means to an end, but an end in itself that I hope will propel me to the next level. I was never light-hearted about living, but no longer am I in the state of mind of being as free-spirited. If this sounds sad, don't worry -- it is not. At some point in time when things come to a head, it's critical to recognize that and take things seriously. It's like the 50 Free, after you dive into the pool you basically take no breaths until you hit the wall. From your perspective you feel like you're just spazzing out in the water, flinging your arms and legs like there's no tomorrow, but actually you're still going in a straight line with a determined goal. I believe that there are times when we need to focus like that, or end up letting a chance of a lifetime slip through our grasp.
This is not to say that I have become a complete recluse with no life balance. I do go out, but I spend more time by myself, and I'm actually comfortable with that now. I suppose when I first came to Shanghai, I was hungry to establish myself here... kind of when a dog treads on its doggy bed around and around, and then lies down after making a little nook. Now, I have a few circles of friends that reflect my various interests, and many individuals that I connect with. I don't socialize indiscriminately though anymore, or "just because", because I also need lots of "me" time now... whether it is vegging out on PPS (my new favorite app that streams Chinese shows), or working out, or trying (key word: trying) to learn French.
I've been telling everyone that I was 30 starting at 29.5, because I feel 30 has a weight that brings respect, especially in business. In your 30s, life experimentation is thought to slow down, because at this point you should know what you want to do, and how to do it. This is not to say that this is true or needs to be true, but that as a chubby-cheeked Asian girl (blessed to still look early 20's), I purposely send out a signal that there's more than meets the eye. When you work with me, I want you to trust I'm the real deal, and not a kid playing with mommy's lipstick.
I have so many beautiful, talented, and fabulous female friends in their 30s that are still single. Most of these people reside in Asia, not in the States (I just realized that almost ALL of my Stateside girlfriends are now in relationships...). "Being left behind" is a silly concept, because behind of WHAT? Everyone has their own path. But this is a far cry from where I was just several years ago, a serial monogamist with 3 serious back-to-back relationships spanning 10 years total. I always thought I'd be married by 30, and it never crossed my mind that I'd be single for so long. Or that it would be so hard to not be single. Does this sound haughty? It's not meant to be -- I think it's a reflection of the location that I've chosen to reside in, and that it is simply not that easy to find male counterparts that you want to invest your life in. It's really not fair to say that they guys here suck, because they don't (ok some do). Everyone just has different value systems and that is their prerogative. If you don't agree with different lifestyles and behavior patterns, just stay away. I've certainly become more open-minded about the profile of men I could date, but the RBI has been super low. I continue to be optimistic though, because you never know where life will lead you, all you need is that ONE person. :)
2014 will be a year that requires much time and energy investment, and hopefully it will pay dividends for long long time. During this journey, I will meet many amazing people, and attempt to build systems that integrates everyone's hopes and dreams into something that can produce tangible results.
I reflect on my actions very frequently, and would like to become wiser by the day. As aggressive and ambitious as I am (Aries ascendant, we are so annoying hahaha), I would like to learn how to execute with grace. There are a few instances at 29 that I feel I should have been more generous, whether it be with my money, my time, my words, my emotions, and especially my pride. I have more than enough, I do not lack. Why not be more kind? If I die tomorrow, I have no illusions that anyone will think of me for long except for my parents. And even then I will cease to exist when they leave. What mote do I leave behind? When I depart, hopefully after a long and bountiful life, I wish that the thought of me can spur positive thoughts and positive action and positive change. Perhaps it would be "whatever she said she did, and so should I" or "she gave, and so should I" or "she worked hard and believed, and so should I" or whatever... my name doesn't need to attributed or remembered. Just having people to pass along these energies because of our interactions would be longevity enough for this world. The rest will be with God.
So this post took a bit of a fatalistic turn at the end, but I think it's important to think about the macro directions as well as working on the micro. That's why I became a Christian, because material satisfaction is not enough for me, and is not the end goal. When we speak of life balance, I do believe that filling that spiritual cup, paired with honesty and self-awareness, is the key to winning the battle. Without that, balance is not achievable, because you have no fulcrum.
A vastly different post than at 29. I'm due to become a philosopher!
- M
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[Email to friends below, titled "My State of the Union"]
Hello. :)
There are several milestones in our lives that are catalysts for reflection, and I've finally accepted the cruel reality that my window to sneak into the Forbes' 30 Under 30 List is officially closed! Over the last few months, I've pressed myself to honestly explore how I felt about myself at this age, discovering that many things that I once felt were important are no longer. But what has endured are the select friendships that I've had the privilege to experience over the years. Despite tendencies towards being here and there and sometimes nowhere (blame my Aquarius sun/Aquarius moon sign), I recognize that having existed in your thoughts has been the greatest gift over time, and would sincerely like to take this opportunity to thank you and reciprocate with this update.
Some of you may be surprised to receive this message, because we have not spoken in awhile. Some of you I've known rather recently, but I like you for some indescribable reason (probably your pheromones). But I did not write to everyone, so you are special. People say that true friendship isn't about being inseparable, but about being separated and nothing changes. For both old and new friends, I hope you remain in my constellation.
I've made quite a few pit stops since leaving New York in February 2009. The last 5 years felt like a swim in the open sea, often needing to take a breath and look up to recalibrate my direction. During this time, I have come to know God, and am blessed to walk this journey with Him. I truly hope that you have navigated life well through the years... and importantly, have been able to hone in on your unique definition of happiness.
Shanghai has been my home for three years, I love it and plan to stay indefinitely (sorry to all my State-side friends, haha). The energy from being in China is one of rich possibility, as cheeseball as it sounds. It IS the Wild West, and not suited for those who need smog-free skies, basic hygiene, and a stress-free lifestyle. Lung cancer, pesticide poisoning, avian flu, and death from erratic driving (I once sat on a bus in Kunming that did a U turn on the highway back down the ramp) are all real health risks! Luckily I'm insured, but sometimes I'll test my limits and bike around without a helmet, haha. I've also rode on a motorcycle and we hit a cool 210 km/hr in Inner Mongolia. Told my mom that yesterday, and she responded with a gory story she read in the local Chinese newspaper. Something about vegetables.
I now work in fashion brand management and development, and have ambitions to restructure the industry here in China. I am incredibly blessed to have a wonderful mentor and boss take me under her wing, and she indulges me with opportunities so long as I work hard to earn it. We launched a womenswear brand named Arete here in Shanghai with an exceptionally talented designer named Catherine Fung, and are in works in finishing our second collection (Fall/Winter 2014). Our website should be ready late February (www.arete-studio.com) if you'd like to check it out! In addition, we just started a fashion showroom/incubator to develop and represent talented emerging brands in China and worldwide. The fashion business is not a cakewalk, it is very tough and competitive. Glamorous as it sounds, you are indeed surrounded by beautiful and inspirational things, but you also experience unsavory characters and base motivations. At Arete though, we create from our hearts and souls, from concept to physical object... and that is extremely satisfying.
So I really love my work, but it is an extreme challenge that constantly makes me feel unprepared and unqualified at times. I scramble everyday to try to master an evolving role, since the market is so huge and the variables are limitless. Oftentimes I wake up in the middle of the night to jot down notes or things to do. I clock in more hours than I ever did back at Lehman, but when you feel like it's an adventure rather than a job, you know you have it good. Really good. What draws me the most is the freedom to become an architect of change. But the responsibilities and the risks are very real, and the majority of start-ups fail. I suppose that if things really go to shit, at least I have the skill set to herd Chinese mistresses in and out LV stores in Europe as a tour guide. :p Learning French is also one of my New Year's resolutions, so that will garner extra tips, haha.
Occasionally I use a VPN to hop over the Great Firewall of China to check Facebook status updates, and read through a news feed filled with engagements, marriages, babies, and cats. No longer are L337, pwn, and gg no re part of everyday vocabulary, or emo musings made public. Wow guys, we've grown up! I'm truly happy for your capstone events. :) And for those who haven't hit those marks yet, don't worry. Being a late bloomer means we have more disposable income to buy bags and shoes and tequila shots, hahahaha. In Asia, I do wish that guys had better sense than to deploy pick-up lines such as (true story) "I have an MBA. Do you know what a EM BEE AY is?" Oh boy. O_O So yea, Asia has a bad rep... not without cause. False starts are discouraging, but they really do make for hilarious bar stories too. I would encourage those seeking relationships (men/women alike) to focus on becoming amazing individuals first, such that there is automatically a high basic standard that a potential partner must exceed, and that you also have the means to treat others well. I will also annihilate anyone who makes you cry, so don't make me resort to violence (you'd like this, Min). :) I'm sure you'd do the same for me... and so this is how we form our own mafia!
I'd like to make a special shout-out to Jessica Meksavan, who enthusiastically welcomed me with the most alarming shriek at Taoyuan Airport's arrivals gate last month. She sought me out before departing for SF just to hang out for 30 minutes. I aspire to become an exemplary friend like you. Thank you Tyler Young and Liz Fan for not letting me quietly slip away to New York last week, we can always count on you to deliver ultimate birthday pain, poorly disguised as Jaeger shots. There are also a number of you who have sent me personal messages over the last few days. I am truly touched that you reached out (I am not worthy!). I apologize in advance for being MIA in my recent trips to NY, it's not easy to appease a middle-aged Asian mother and a pair of 100-year old grandparents... they possess a superpower guilt trip ability that I have yet to master, and now I am imprisoned by today's snowstorm. Lastly, there are a few of you that have fallen off the radar, but I still think about you, so here I am.
Thank you for your footprint in my life, there's not much more I could wish for this birthday.
Yours,
J
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