2010, you totally broke me down you mofo. The last few months have been much more settling than the last 8-9 months, albeit this is all relative. I still have no real idea as to where I'll end up in terms of job/location, but at least I'm actively pondering the situation and not just sitting on my hands. I think about my life in New York and how different things would have been if I had stayed there... only because I know that my life wouldn't be very different at all.
Gene had a revelation the other day -- he cracked open an advanced level textbook that we used at ICLP and found that he was able to read it very easily, whereas half a year earlier he'd consistently run into a lot of roadblocks. Whereas I've always felt coming to China was going to become a very important personal experience, Gene had always questioned the necessity of adding HNC to his life resume, yet even he realized gains through mere osmosis of being in a new environment. I remember clearly the day that I left New York -- it was the beginning of December 2008 and I was very very upset to be uprooted. I was a resolute and almost unbending person back then, and I had this glorious life plan all mapped out. I'm definitely a floating balloon now, and although it can be really unsettling at times (when you think about your age, or your finances), I know that I will root down somewhere in the next 2-3 years, but before that happens I should run around like the world is my buffet plate. :) Is it not?
I had a lot of ups and downs this year... in the beginning I felt like I was truly going to be screwed in life, but right now as I'm typing I feel like I definitely ended up on a high note. How do I describe this... it feels like my life currently at Christmas Eve, when you see the gifts under the Christmas tree, you're super excited but you don't know what's inside, and you can't open them yet. It's the anticipation for something great and awesome!
Because I know that luck is not given but made, I've trying my hand in pretty much everything here while in China, hoping to have an a-ha moment or some sort of serendipitous opportunity. The last semester has been exhausting because I totally overstacked my schedule, so I think I'm going to have to draw back a little so I can retain a little sanity (that's my New Year's Resolution).
Another thing: This year I've realized the importance of time. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, and time is the one resource that you can never earn back. I had once told a very good friend of mine that I wanted to become super rich and successful because: 1) I thought I could, booyah. 2) Money could give me the freedom to do whatever I wanted and provide a form of security to my loved ones. But now as a student with no incoming cash flow for the last 2 years, I don't think money is that important anymore... because if it were than why am I happier now than I ever was when I was making six figures? We don't have to load everything in the back end, because then the party will be over before we know it! I guess this break from the workforce is helping me readjust my long-term goals, and I hope that I can continue to figure things out throughout 2011.
Wishing you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
-- Cap'n Miffy, still plundering for treasure.
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1 comments:
I love you. I love this post. I love the realness in your words. And I love how I can relate to every single one of them. I'm so proud of you Jas. We've survived, endured, and pushed through, a lot more than most people our age and I think in the end these tough experiences will really make us better people. I hope that we can see each other in 2011. Miss you!
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