Headless Chicken

I've been MIA these past few weeks because of the huge pile of school (and self-imposed) work that seems to keep on reappearing like Sisyphus' boulder. Man, I've really overextended myself this time... and it's been making me perpetually stressed out, like a low hum in my head at all times. I think it's making my hair fall out. No joke. I can't wait for this semester to end!

To get a taste of what my life is like right now, here's a recap of this week's (very normal?) Tuesday:

6:30am: My iPod goes off with the most annoying ringtone on the face of this earth. It sounds like chalk on board. I'm pretty notorious for being able to sleep through anything, so aside from that awful ringtone (which is set right under my pillow), I also pulled my blinds out all the way for natural sunlight to kick in. Unfortunately, today was another dark and dreary Nanjing morning. FML.

7:00am: Still in zombie mode, but slowly waking up after I turn on the television and listen to a CCTV program with a bunch of Chinese housewives on how safeguard your children from household accidents. Any stimulus will do at this point. I do my usual makeup routine, and note that my face looks (and feels) pretty saggy right now.

7:45am: Make my usual morning drink/breakfast. Nestle coffee powder + Lipton milk tea powder + metal vacuum thermos. It's enough to get me through the first 2 hours of the day at least.

7:30am: Make sure that I have all my textbooks for the day (3-4 of them) and rush out of the door. The sunlight has broken through the grey mist, and I thank god that I won't have to ride my bike through the dense fog while on the road. Nanjing streets are very hazardous, I should wear a bike helmet.

7:50am: Hurdle through the doors of my first class, Game Theory. It's actually my favorite class, even though I nearly failed it in college. The Chinese professor's actually fantastic... he explains things really well, even though he sounds like Kermit the Frog. He accidentally drooled while talking today. I don't know how many students caught that, but I'd die if that were me. Like, spontaneously combust.

8:30am: Done! Now I head up to the library and print out the paper I wrote for Chinese Foreign Policy, which was finished at 3am that morning. It was a pretty mediocre piece of work IMO, had no inspiration drawing from the usual Chinese PR machine of "let's be friends and experience economic growth with everyone" schpiel. I'm getting pretty good at writing serious Chinese papers now though, and it's good that I made a good Chinese friend who's willing to revise my stuff too. :)

8:50am: Time for International Trade Theory, a class that I'm trying to get credit for at SAIS and pass out of the waiver exam. I love Professor Zhao, he calls all the kids' BS in front of everyone. He even made a girl hyperventilate once. I want him as my adopted grandfather.

11:10am: He ends class on time, thank god. My head is starting to spin out of hunger and lack of sleep. Shuffle to the cafeteria. Everyone hates the food there, but I actually don't think it's that bad at all. Small veggie plates are 1.5Y, meat is 3.0Y, fruit is 1.2Y, sometimes they'll attempt to make apple pie and brownies, but those always turn out pretty bad. The stomach flu has been making its rounds at the school, and I hypothesize it's those "environmentally-friendly" (aka non-disposable) chopsticks that we all use. I suspect they don't wash them thoroughly enough, so using those chopsticks is like frenching your classmate. Yum?

11:45am: Don't stay around to chat with people because I have to prepare for my tutoring session later that afternoon. Go to the computer lab (my second home), and read the Chinese Financial Times article that my tutor picked out for me. Usually they're pretty interesting, but this one just makes my neurons knot up. Something about "sunny" private equity funds and partnerships and selling short? I just can't link these terms together. Why am I so dumb?!!!

12:50pm: Whoops, where did the time go? Time for the 3rd class of the day -- Chinese History Since 1949. The teacher lectures well, but I feel like he talks about the psychological reasons why people were as insane as they were back in the day. Mao is definitely a psychopath. I'm glad that my family wasn't in China to experience his madness.

2:40pm: He lets us go super late but since I have some energy from lunch I manage not to pass out completely (only partially) during class. I had to play with my iPod though to give myself a little stimulus aside from listening to the same voice for almost 2 hours straight. Not to say it wasn't a lovely voice, I'm just not in the right mindset to listen to anyone at this point.

2:50pm: Straight to my last class of the day, Chinese Foreign Policy. The professor talks about China in Africa, a topic that should be interesting but I find my brain unable to wake itself from "hibernation mode". Try to play with my iPod to wake myself up, but not even my Tamagotchi pet cats can do the trick. GG NO RE.

4:30pm: He lets us out late too. Bad luck today. My tutoring session is in the student lounge at 4:30. I rush over and try to inhale some cool air as I pass through the courtyard. Nope, still sleepy. Even the fish in our pond look sleepy. I wonder how fish stay alive in water when it's zero degrees outside.

4:35pm: I'm late but my tutor is really nice. :) I like him a lot -- even though he's younger than I am, I feel like a total noob. This language thing really makes me feel like I talk at least 40IQ points lower normal. I don't strive to be "native", I just strive to be "normal". Is that too much to ask for?

5:40pm: Done! I thank him and then stagger towards the 1st floor lounge where there's a couch where I can lay my head for a little bit before Gene's Brazilian Jiujitsu class later at 7pm. I definitely need to recharge if I'm to do any sort of physical exercise, right now I feel like my brain's going to fall out of my head.

5:50pm: Just as I'm about to go into la-la-land, Gene passes by and wakes me up. He has a sandwich from Skyways, pretty much the go-to deli for expats in Nanjing. It's a salami ham and cheese baguette. I decide that sandwich > sleep right now.

6:00pm: I finish my half of the sandwich and my breath smells like onions. I'm grossed out by myself, but I lay myself back on the couch to try to catch at least a nice nap before class.

6:30pm: Wake up feeling 75% refreshed. Still really groggy though. Change into workout clothes and help putting together the puzzlemats for the class.

7:00pm: Class starts and I'm feeling pretty awake after the warm-up. Today we a half-guard pass into full-guard move, as well as something called "The Evil Backpack" where you hook your legs and arms into your opponent so that you're stuck on their back (and can essentially control their limbs). It's awesome!!! Gene is an excellent teacher, and I thoroughly enjoy watching him beat people up.

9:00pm: Class ends, we each get to roll 2x with someone. I tried "The Evil Backpack" on a guy and he escaped at one point. Not knowing wth I should be doing, I improvise and choke him out with his head between my thighs. No joke.

9:30pm: Gene and I go to the nearby Indian place for take out. It's actually really good, perhaps better than some of the places I've been in NY. It's run by some Nepalese guy, who essentially just looks Tibetan. We get butter chicken and something with paneer. Lots of naan too... carbs..... :)

10:00pm: Get home, snarf down all the food. Food coma and sleep deprivation catching up to me. I decide that I should get to bed soon after taking a shower.

11:00pm: Shit, I'm still not in bed. Instead I'm looking up fellowships for graduate school. I'm feeling really insecure about my financial situation now, and things aren't looking so good when I return to DC in the fall (and rent is around ~$1000/mo at least). Consider perhaps selling my eggs. If anyone will have a 27 year old's eggs at this point. On the other hand I am getting older, and perhaps I should just keep my eggs to myself.

11:15pm: Brush my teeth and check my email one last time. I admit, I'm addicted to checking my email. Unplug my ethernet. My internet is charged by the hour here in China. :(

11:45pm: Cuddle up with an (English) book that I borrowed from the library. The HNC library is great, I have a pile of books here next to my bed that I only have a few minutes a day to even crack open. It's sad, but the librarians said that I could borrow these books over our 5-week break too...! Right now I'm reading a book by Mao's personal doctor on his experiences working with the Great Helmsman.

12:15am: I should go to bed. I have to go to work tomorrow at 8:30am.

12:30am: I actually turn off the lights and go to sleep.

Diagnosis: Chicken with Head Cut Off.