2012 Resolutions

2012 is nearly upon us and it's the time of the year for responsible human beings to collectively turn into pensive, optimistic, and benevolent overachievers (which will quickly fade away in T+60 days). Well, I think that I've been a pensive, optimistic, and benevolent overachiever for the ENTIRE year.... so contemplative that it makes me want to puke all over your head!!! [Haha pretty extreme.] I am so sick of being the perfect model citizen and performing rational decisions all the damn time that instead I shall make New Years Resolutions that are simply superficial and will benefit no one but myself. Eat poop, Tiny Tim!

1) Learn Italian, to an advanced-beginner stage. What is an advanced beginner? No one knows, that's the beauty of it.
2) Set up an aquarium at home, because I like companionship in all shapes and sizes. Or smuggle Oscar into China when my dad isn't guarding him. Or pick up a stray calico and pretend he is Oscar.
3) Tennis lessons, so I can strengthen my noodle arms for that inevitable day when I have to punch a Shanghai taxi driver in the face when he cheats me out of that extra 10 RMB.
4) Learn to cook well and nutritiously, because if I continue to eat out in China then my kidneys will surely fail and my mother will say "I told you so". That would be annoying.
5) Go see some sharks open water. Try big game fishing. Better yet, catch some sharks, pet them, and release!
6) Learn how to apply red lipstick like a classy woman without deteriorating into The Joker by the end of the night. But I guess that's also an effective way to never get date-raped.
7) Do yoga consistently and eventually be able to touch my toes easily. God, I'm such a noob... damn these long long legs!
8) Look like a hot tamale for the N weddings I have to go to this year. Because I'm not married and don't need to be modest. And maybe I'll even dodge that bouquet.
9) Oh yea, and save money so I can even afford to fly to all those N destination weddings. I cringe. :[
10) Continue Adventures of Cap'n Miffy, in real life and in this online capsule!!!

2011, you've been a bitch and I wanted to cap you countless numbers of times. But I learned a lot and appreciate all that I went through nonetheless. I really don't feel the need to rehash what happened to me since last January right now, especially since I've already written down all the important things here on this blog. Really, contemplation at the end of each year is for those who haven't had the time or the mindset to properly digest what's in front of them. I didn't have that problem this year, and all I want to do is to live in the present and continue to wave in wonderful things for the future. I love life so much, and I'm really happy to be here.

Happy New Year, All. ^_^

Fatty Daddy (Christmas Edition!)

Dad Eating Stuff.

[Clockwise from upperleft corner] 

• Our first meal after getting picked up at Songshan Airport, pork rib vermicelli 猪排米粉 at a local hole in the wall with simply boiled veggies. Very 台灣 and very soothing. Tastes even better with a spoonful of black vinegar!
• A MUST HAVE dessert at Ximen Ding (西門町), baked mochi on a stick slathered with brown sugar, condensed milk, sesame paste (take your pick!). No trip to Taiwan without baked mochi, yet not many people know about this treat. I dream of this even before boarding the plane, and by the time I hit the ground I'm ready to run towards this stall with my arms wide open. I'm shameless, but once you have a taste you'll understand why! It's literally my favorite dessert in the world because it's sticky yet crunchy and sweet yet not cloying so... and I have no idea how to give you directions on getting there. BOO I SUCK.
• All-you-can-eat spicy hotpot (麻辣火鍋), all the meat all the veggies all the drinks all the Haagen Daz included. Again, another required stop on the food train which will add a couple inches to your waist, so bring your stretchy pants! Call me a heathen, but my main reason for insisting on going to spicy hotpots is for the 鴨血. I'm not going to translate that for you. O_O
• A legendary breakfast joint in Taitung (台東) called Breakfast King (早點大王) with the richest soymilk ever. My dad is making a calorific fried dough (燒餅+油條) sandwich... 

No you can't eat these train tickets to Taitung enroute to Green Island (綠島), but that didn't stop us from trying...!

Next update -- Green Island!

Tale of Two Cities

Pyongyang, North Korea

New York City, United States

New World Trade Cemter

Just wanted to shelve these cityscapes away in my archive. The photographs are so damn beautiful. One feels like a labyrinth beneath an ant farm, and the other feels like an aerie. 

H

Karissa commented today that I sound very happy in my blog posts recently.
Yes, I am happy. Truly happy, I am so blessed.

I really can't think of any other period over the last few years when I've felt more at ease. I have a job that pays enough to live comfortably in China. I have a career that puts me in the driver's seat. I have a lovely apartment that I was allowed to paint a beautiful shade of grey. I have a growing group of friends in Shanghai who are kind and interesting. I have a solid group of friends back home that I am looking forward to seeing in January. I have my grandparents still. I have my mother. I have my father. I have my brother. I have love. I have health. I have happiness.

Now I was going to continue this train of thought and say that I was satisfied. Am I satisfied?
The answer is No.

I'm hungry for so much more. Hungry to open doors, hungry to absorb information, hungry to become comfortably self-sustainable, hungry to prove myself, hungry to start a family one day, hungry to travel the world, hungry to take care of my loved ones the way that they deserve.

Happy but hungry. It's a good place to be. :)

85 Cents

Cabbage

Carrot

Tomato

Lotus Root

What you can get for 85 cents (5.5 RMB) from a roadside vegetable vendor. Amazing.

All I have to do is find a butcher and I'm going to make a hearty stew this weekend. :)

Let's Get Physical

I joined a local gym in my neighborhood for ~4200 RMB/2 years, which is approximately $320 USD per year,  $27/month. Not a bad deal, right? Well as everything in life, it ain't worth shit if you don't use it right! :p It's a good thing that my work is less demanding these days because I usually get out before 6pm, so scheduling workouts in my daily routine is now a breeze (and hopefully a given). I'd like to hit the gym 3x a week, and then when the weather gets warmer I'll hire a tennis coach too. :)

I remember how difficult it was working in finance to squeeze in even a light 30 minute workout... back then all of the gyms in New York would close at 9 or 10pm, and of course I'd surely still be adjusting the margins on some unimportant document at work. So I shelled out $80 USD a month to use the tiny Lehman gym just so I could slow down the inevitable advancement of a matronly pear-like figure. You know that you're getting fat when you start tucking in your waist when sitting, or better yet your pants can barely contain your butt and you give yourself a nice wedgie. :p Even still I could only go to the gym maybe once a week, and after running a mile I'd have to go back to my cubicle all covered in glittery sweat, waiting until I was finally dismissed for the day. The good life, I'm telling ya.

Anyway, because I was a new member of this gym, I was assigned to a physical trainer for an assessment. I thought that perhaps they would measure my blood pressure, heart rate, lung capacity... but no, all I did was take off my shoes and socks and stand on a machine for 5 seconds. Turns out this machine zaps you with electricity and measures the different frequencies that resonate back or something. The machine ended up spitting out this customized report for me:

Damn you, evil robot!

Ok let me decipher the important parts -- nothing to be ashamed of here. 169 cm, 59.2 kg. The guy said that I was normal, but that I had more fat than ideal... meaning that I should lose another 2.2kg of fat. 2.2kg = 5 POUNDS. Excuse me mister, but I already have a few extra rows of clavicles that I'm trying very hard to cover up... so tell me, where can I drop 5lbs of fat without regressing back into prepubescence?! That kind of pissed me off, not because I think my body is perfect already, but because I genuinely believe that being strong and healthy is the most important thing. He actually said that I shouldn't gain more muscle, but frankly speaking I look like a Tyrannosaurus Rex (spindly arms and robust running legs) and I could really use some upper body balance. I was annoyed and confused. I don't even know if I could recreate the expression on my face from being annonfused, it must have been very special.

After I got home I did some research and found out that he calculated my BMI wrong -- I was told that my BMI was 23 and on the higher-side of normal. But according to the US Department of Health I'm 20.7. Homeboy can't divide. And I'm in MIDDLE of normal. A wonderful boring healthy normal. What now, biatches?

So the overall score that the stupid machine rated my body was a 75. Is that a B-, or is that a C? And apparently if you are lower than 70 then you're in "danger". I'm sure you can imagine the absolute horror that this news would inflict on someone who has been educationally trained for 16 years to accept nothing but perfection. I'm such a tool! Sigh, maybe I should have agreed to go in for this stupid physical assessment, because the logical confident me is completely outraged and the meeker "listens to professionals" side is kind of like "Eep, so I should really NOT have that cupcake?"

What is a girl to do then? 
Run 6 miles, then angrily devour a tapioca dessert, bag of Lays, and an orange afterwards.
FTW!

Oh sweet child of mine...

It's Getting Hot In Here

The Captain has bought herself an early Christmas present!

Yes, that's right -- Mama's getting a KINDLE FIRE.

I've been wanting this for quite some time already, in fact I was just about to cave in to buy an iPad2 when I read about the Kindle Fire. With my iPhone, the only reason why I wanted an iPad was to read magazines. Prior to the Kindle Fire, all that Kindle eInk black-and-whitedom is was as exciting to me as a fat man wearing a kilt paired with Uggs. Now, I am so freaking turned on.

I learned that living abroad means that you have a dearth of magazine publications at your perusal. Back in New York I had subscriptions (real paper ones, not that online crap) to New York Magazine, Elle, Travel + Leisure, The Economist. Lazing around at home lying sedentary on my couch was actually a productive knowledge-filled time (as was going to the ladies room, ahem). But here in Asia a single magazine costs around $10 USD. At least. It's absolutely ridiculous. But what's MORE ridiculous is that they're always a few weeks late. What's the point of reading a magazine when all of the information is outdated? I'm not paying Nobu money to eat your Sushi Express leftovers.

So that's why I'm eagerly awaiting to cradle the Kindle Fire in my arms. Oh Kindle Fire, you will be my savior. Through you I will crawl my way back into civilization and Trivia Night superstardom. ;) I just can't wait!

Reward: Travel Unicorn

Yep, I have the worst timing ever...

... but overcompensated through Photoshop filtering. FTW!!!

A few weeks ago I went to Thailand and it was the most amazing trip. You must be wondering how brave I am for going there with all the flooding still. It's called geography, guys. Even 5th graders know that Phuket and Ko Phi Phi isn't remotely located near Bangkok! Well, 5th graders competing on Carmen Sandiego that is, haha. I did want to stop at Bangkok though but there's always next time. Or Chiang Mai... that's on my bucket list.

I hate traveling alone. Okay maybe that's not a fair statement because I've been on vacation alone before, but I have absolutely zero inclination to go somewhere foreign without having a companion in tow. Day trips are more than okay (done a ton), but overnighters? No thanks. It's like watching movies... I can do it alone in my home, but ask me to go to the movie theater alone? No thanks. Sure, it's not like you NEED to interact with someone to watch a movie. In fact, you really shouldn't be that annoying person prodding the guy next to you asking if they "just saw that?!". Similarly, you don't really need a buddy system to travel unless you're going to Afghanistan. But I like the idea that someone's experiencing the same thing at the same time as me. Otherwise I'd feel too lonely. MIFFY NEEDS HER PIRATE CREW!!! >:O

Kayaking at Maya Beach after our overnight camping trip. Sleeping on the beach under the stars sounds very romantic, but I just want to warn everyone that you WILL get sand everywhere. Like, in all your nooks and crannies. O_O

I was flipping shit the whole time that we'd capsize and my camera would die. Like, TOTALLY FLIPPING SHIT. Being such a PPP [see last picture].

So actually travel companions are quite important to me, and given the N amount of personalities out there in the world, how many people can deal with stressful conditions (language barriers, getting jipped by cabs, horribly lost, eaten alive by mosquitos, bad poo)? How many can you mesh with (control freak, frugal to a fault, procrastinator, thoughtless, PMS-y, megalomania)? Well, it's a bell curve, which luckily means we will only attempt to kill a slight fraction of our travel buddies. It also means that if you're lucky then one day you'll be able to observe and then hopefully capture a rare animal called... the Travel Unicorn (TU). 

Ok I just made that term up, but it made me laugh out loud. And it's the perfect description, but the acronym sounds kind of like a STD, haha.

So anyway, I had the honor of going to Thailand with TU Chris. Honestly, Phuket and Ko Phi Phi were nice, but the places weren't mindblowing. Phuket is overdeveloped and a far cultural cry from Bali. Ko Phi Phi got wiped out by the 2004 tsunami and is overrun with grungy Euro/Aussie hippies (who honestly look lice infested). I still recommend Ko Phi Phi if you're doing a round through SE Asia though, it's charming and inexpensive. I know I sound like such a brat, but take it from me... at the end of the day it doesn't matter where you go, every place will seem magical if you have a TU in tow. :)

This is definitely not a Travel Unicorn.

My advice -- avoid Party Pooper Pandas (PPPs) at all costs.

Where's Franca?

No need for elaboration.

If you know who this person is, great. :)

If not, just know I worked my ass off. :p

Smack That!

As my friends know, I'm not really a concert kind of gal. It's not like I don't appreciate music + crowds, it's just never been at the forefront of my consciousness. Now that I'm in Shanghai though, I'm constantly on the prowl to do new things at every spare moment. Cityweekend/Time Out are my Bible/Koran. Thus, I just had to go see Akon when he came out to Shanghai. And I brought my itty bitty clubhead cousin with me too. :) Paid 580 RMB for our 2nd level center tickets, the view was decent and I was happy. No need to sit close enough to smell Akon's armpits.

SO. Akon, I'm assuming there's a reason why you put like ZERO effort into your concert's production. Is it because you can't simulate sex with underage girls anymore? Is it because you can get away with it in China? The only prop that we saw all night was this unfunny bongo/DJ assistant who wore a silly kilt all night. The only costume change you slowly peeling away layers from your sweat-soaked all-white suit, eventually making it down to half-nakedness [I expected a meat dress at the very minimum.]. And your only dance move was a half-hearted fist-pumping routine in your attempt to rouse the Chinese zombie crowd, peppered with "Yea yea yea!"s. And your declaration of "I LOVE YOU BEIJING!!!" may have been a wee bit inappropriate in Shangers. -_-;;; Just sayin.

But I'm a concert noob, which means that I should either have absurdly high or low expectations. [Low] All I wanted was to shake what my momma gave me to Akon's 43829473 hits, which he delivered faithfully. Of course there was some autotune involved, but he's actually quite a good singer, and he sounded exactly like he does in his tracks. Perhaps too exactly..... O_O I had fun anyway!!! 

One of the best things about a concert is the people watching.

- Man sitting down, you look like a government official's son or a 富二代. Stop acting bougie and pull that stick out of your heiney-hole!!!

- Bro wearing plaid pants, you go girl.

- 12 year old girl in the front, didn't your parents tell you that it's dangerous to sit so close to Akon when he's performing? Or maybe you're actually 32, it's hard to tell in China.

- White dude with the spider monkey arms, I would hate to sit behind you.

Partner in crime.

Best shot I could get of the night.

Bask in Akon's sweaty glory, everyone.