I just came back from Bali for yet another unforgettable wedding, and I'm starting to think that I might have already seen perfection after basking in Viv and (and now) Jess' happily wedded bliss. :) You can always find me at a wedding reliably wiping away tears, steadily and surely turning into a scary (and snot faced) panda before the ceremony is over. I cry because these are my friends, and I am so damn happy for them. I know that it wasn't easy for any couple to reach this milestone, and that this a giant victory. WE. ARE. THE. CHAMPIONS!!! I feel blessed and honored to be able to witness such an important milestone in my friends' lives, and rejoice in their personal success.
Jess & Chris, their first dance.
There are two topics that I wanted to write about after this trip to Bali. I just got off a Skype conversation with my mom, and she asked me about the details of this wedding, how I felt about the style and choices. My general rule of thumb about people is -- to each their own. Just like how each individual is different, their choices in an ideal partner, concept of success, measurement of happiness, personal and life values, tastes and preferences will always be different. There is no "good" or "bad", "better" or "worse" -- even if someone throws a poorly planned wedding, the point is to celebrate this moment with the newly wed couple (who have bad planning skills, oh well). Jessica's wedding was not poorly planned, in fact it was like a fairytale, grander and more perfect than anyone would have imagined. That's Jessica. And she deserved it.
I haven't given much thought to my own wedding since I'm not quite there yet... there are several key criteria missing. ;) And I surprise myself when I say that I'm really not worried one single bit. 隨緣 (sui2 yuan3), follow the flow, grow organically. I believe one day I will meet and marry the love of my life, and the only thing I will care about is our journey after, not the wedding.
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Another thing I wanted to write about was how strange it was that Bali was such a weird hub in my personal life over these two years. I've been to Bali four times already over the last two years. I've been to Bali three times over the past one year. The rest of Southeast Asia has sadly gotten the silent treatment. Each of my trips have been quite momentous, defining a different stage of my life.
My first ever trip to Bali was with G. We were in a pretty good place in our relationship, and wanted to get away from dirty Nanjing for a real vacation. I was happy to be in his company, and optimistic about our future. I was quite content, and I thought that he must be too.
My second trip to Bali was right after we broke up. It was the most excruciating experience, but the shock dulled the pain of how it all unfolded. However, over the week I trained and steeled myself against any bouts of weakness, and promised myself to never look back. I am very proud of my resolve.
My third trip to Bali was to celebrate Viv and Howie's wedding, a most spectacular affair with my closest friends from Shanghai. When I arrived in Shanghai, I barely knew anyone besides my boss. I threw myself into this very lonely and strange environment, but was somehow was lucky to get adopted by this second family of ours. It was only then that Shanghai felt like home, and so being able to go to Bali with all of my wonderful friends was a testament that life was good. Very very good.
My fourth and most recent trip to Bali was celebrate Jessica's wedding, which was like watching a dream materialize before our very eyes. This time I think the connecting theme was forgiveness. There were quite a few mended fences, and I am so incredibly happy to have this chance to reunite with old friends. Even though I was only able to stay in Bali for 48 hours, all of this was expended on positive energy. Also, a few days before this trip, my curiosity finally won me over and I finally decided to take a peek at the dedication. It was almost exactly one year after the second trip. The message was clear, but reality still remains. I delved into this thinking that I really wouldn't feel anything, but ended up mourning once again. I thought about it during Bali, asking myself whether this acknowledgement even mattered, whether it changed anything?
No, it doesn't.
It's stupid to waste energy on unconstructive thoughts and actions.
To Bali.
To life.
To love.
And to my future. :)
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