Thought Depository 2

As I get older, I realize just how important self-control and discipline really are. It's easy to restrain yourself when there's logic involved. Many of my friends seek me to be their voice of reason (go figure), the person they turn to when they're feeling lost and confused. Not surprisingly, when it comes to others, I can see causation very clearly and can logically walk them to the necessary solution. But as for myself.... well I am only human. 

I absolutely loathe "drama" and other situations that bring about unproductive emotions. I really do avoid unnecessary things that could flip my inner balance. By no means have I perfected this method, but I've realized peace is an affordable luxury that we silly humans often choose to not take. I try very hard not to let my ego cloud my reasoning, to never hurt others, and to never choose immediate and fleeting satisfaction over far-reaching and meaningful utility. I try to never manifest situations that will cause me regret. And for that reason, when it comes to my personal life, despite my stodgy conservatism, I've advocated being free-spirited and open-minded in this regard... because not giving other people a chance is like not giving yourself a chance. It's really tough to put your pride and doubts aside, but the chance you're taking could lead you to greater happiness and completion. It could be the best gift you will ever give yourself! :) 

Well yea, but it's also kind of a mindfuck. I've discovered when I open myself up, I end up unbalancing myself when expectations are not met (that is the norm). So I shouldn't have expectations at all then, right? With no expectations, there is no reason to have to open up. But if you don't open up, could it be possible that you are letting things slip away? Damn you, too many questions! I'm driving myself nuts with this loop, I should go back to raising my Tamagotchi.

I would really hope that I never have to sell myself hard to be appreciated, valued, loved. I never want to be a circumstantial stop for anyone I find special. I really am such a hopeless romantic, but a ridiculously contradictory rational one at that. Sigh, I wish I weren't such a tough one to crack. It's so annoying.

There are so many unknowns in this universe. The only thing we can control in this world is ourselves. Forget about everything else, it's beyond our reach. Just do your part, and if it is right then it will fit easily. 

I really do believe that. So be satisfied with everything that we have, and have patience with that which will come. Werd. Zzzzz....