When things get really rough, and I mean my-stomach-really-aches type of rough, doubts start creeping into my head. I could settle back into a nice cushy job working in a furnished office with stable internet, Aeron chair, and a laser printer/scanner. I could reliably reap a biweekly salary and let the HR Department fret over my visa situation. My value is correlated to my responsibilities, my title, and my paycheck. All I have to do is work hard and I am guaranteed my minimum 2 weeks vacation. I can expense everything because I work for the company and I don't owe them jack shit.

If I work for myself, everything matters. Each penny hurts. Each wasted and empty minute is acutely felt as an opportunity cost. Everything is yours, the pain and the reward.

Right now things are looking bad. So bad that I am considering an exit plan. The project is shot. The next step is grim.

One of the most valuable things that I learned from someone is to fully take all the time afforded you before making a decision. Time is valuable, and the only way to make the right decision is to allow as much information to seep in before you have to pull the trigger. Most of the unfavorable results that I've encountered in China so far is because my boss is so quick to pull the trigger, and does so without proper evaluation. It's awful, and I feel like I'm being dragged along the road eating pavement.

Something needs to give, I need autonomy to revert back to the professionalism I know best. This family business culture is messing with my head, and I realize I am more easily influenced than I had thought. Before I press the eject button, I need to figure out exactly what my personal timeline is. Half a year? 2013? I think that should be enough. In half a year it will be clear whether I can be an entrepreneur under her influence, and if so, can we change the relationship and still start a business... and if not, what cushy job is out there because I mentally need an oil change.

But you know what, for all those jobs out there... someone had to create those open positions. Each company had to start small from somewhere born out of struggle. If countless people can start their own businesses, then so can I. I don't want to be a drone, I want to be the Queen Bee.

Momma M.I.A.

Hello All. I am alive. Be well, peace has returned to the blogosphere.

It's been 5 weeks since my last blog post, and even then I was seriously slacking in quality output. If you are actually reading this post, I probably have to thank your RSS feed for making you involuntarily stalk me. :)

Around a month ago, an acquaintance (now turned friend) admitted to me that he read through my entire blog. Like all three years worth (that's a lot). And he asked me whether it was weird that he felt like he knew me even though we had only spoke a few times at that point. I thought about it, and actually on the contrary I thought quite the opposite. I've invested probably weeks worth of energy into Adventures, taking photos, choosing and editing images, recounting events, typing out a stream of consciousness... even though I don't purposely write for anyone but myself (and quite frankly I never felt like I had anything to prove) I do welcome those who stumble onto my pirate ship to verbally listen to me if it suits their fancy. It's vastly different from an accessible platform like Facebook, where a community of bodies are there to actively engage in short bursts of collective empathy, judging, gathering. I do hope that Adventures reflects my real self quite accurately, and while I will never entirely bare my soul to anyone over the internet, at least the difference is never deliberate alteration of reality but a choice of omission.

I think it is best to ease myself back into real blogging rather than inundate my entire post with another stream of photos. To be honest, my last couple entries have strained if anything.... there's just so much going on in my life right now that I actually felt guilty for not being in the mood to sit down and document all these events. But you just can't, it's too much, and then you drag your feet and procrastinate.... as time passes you try your best to gracefully ignore the situation... like when that dude sitting in front of you on the plane let out a big stinky fart. Ugh, I just shuddered.

Hmmm, so what would Future Me like to read about Current Me? I think the most important thing that happened to me over the last several weeks was my mom visiting me for a month in Shanghai. That was quite a mental and physical journey. Not only did my mom keep me company for a full 30 days, we also traveled together to Zhujiazhui Water Town, Jiuzhaigou Sichuan, Beijing, and even a scary trip to a local Shanghai hospital (mom treated for exhaustion!). At the end of it all, through periods of frustration, temper, lethargy, arrogance, and fear, I was conquered and deeply humbled by my mom's unwavering patience, kindness, understanding, generosity, and grace. Why do we act exponentially crappier with those who love us the most? It boggles my mind. I hate becoming the Green Goblin!

The most domestic and unflattering picture that I could find.

Also the one closest to my heart. Hahaha. :)

I never really understand other people's relationships with their parents, mostly because they usually feel like blanket statements that I can't really relate to. My relationship with my parents has always been evolving, and I don't think that we'll ever really reach a stable plateau. It's not a negative thing, it's just a fact. Aging is a process that continually forces us to adapt and appreciate to each others' strengths, as well as support and forgive each others' weaknesses. My Mom is no longer invincible, and it was very very very difficult coming to that realization. And even after realizing this I had to constantly battle being a total brat. As a kid I never worried about my parents, but last month I asked Mom to call me whenever she left my apartment and tell me EXACTLY where she was going. It was like having a Life Alert. She happily obliged, and I felt a flood of relief whenever I came home and saw her relaxing on the couch or cooking up another delicious homestyle meal. Since when did I have to impose a curfew on my own mother? Obviously the roles have changed, and I've gotten a glimpse of just how neurotic of a parent I may become in the future. (I always wanted to be Good Cop, here's to hoping my future husband is a bigger psychomeanie than me! Hahaha,)

In the past, I was the one who was the blank slate, the one who got lost in the supermarket, the one who asked questions on how things worked. Mom was the one who knew everything, found me hyperventilating in the dairy section, taught me the rules of life. I am now Mom and Mom is now me, and I'm not sure that I like that very much. I want to continue feeling blindly secure around her, but part of adulthood is being other people's rock and protector. Part of this month-long experience with Mom wasn't coming to this realization, but actually trying to do it. I am in need training wheels.

Right now my parents are physically considerably weaker, and their memory sputters at times. Many of my friends are also shocked about the changes their own parents' metamorphosis, but you know what...? This must be what our parents feel watching us grow up from babies. I'm at the age where several of my friends have children, and it's incredible to see them grow up. It's simply mind-boggling how fast they change month to month, year to year. It must seem like a miracle. So then, how must it feel for a parent to see their helpless infant become an independent individual, the apple of their eye? I'm not there yet, but even while using the furthest reaches of my imagination I feel overwhelmed with emotion... and that must be a shred of how my parents must feel about about me. How could I ever repay them, except with the same (greater) amount of love, patience, and generosity that I have received my entire life?

There were many times when I was not proud of the way I reacted to something my mom did or said. I was factually right 99.99% of the time, but that does not make me RIGHT. By the time my mom was due to fly back to Shanghai, I really did not want her to leave. I'll admit, she was a major c-kblock. But I wanted her by my side so I could take care of her, and share my life with her. What I learned was that parents drive us all bonkers, but if you can maintain absolute grace in face of an Asian mother who is talented at inadvertently making the most face-palming societal generalizations in the world, brags about things no one really cares about, and types on the computer pecking with only her right index finger, then you have become the ultimate Jedi Master.

I love you Mommy! 你什麼時候再來呢？

Lulu in Love

The whole point of going to Hawaii was to see Lulu and David tie the knot...

How they found, cherish, and love one another is truly inspiring for all of us. When you meet that Person, you'll know, and everything before that Person will feel so very nominal.

Congratulations to the both of you, it was me crying like a banchee in the 3rd row. Sowwies. :)

Welps, for all us single ladies at least we have each other! It was SO. MUCH. FUN hanging out with our Columbia crew scattered all over the world but for this moment all gathered in the most wonderful island of O'ahu. Quickly guys, get married and have weddings so we can all hang out more. :p

And yes, good girlfriends are almost as hard to find too. :)

O'ahu Photography Tour

Disclaimer: THIS IS A PHOTO DUMP. I MEANT IT TO BE A PHOTO DUMP. ^_______^

Guys, what happened. My life imploded and I have too much going on and I'm working myself into a sleep deficit that I won't be able to dig out of anytime soon. My mother has been here in Shanghai with me for the last month, and I took her to Sichuan and Beijing. Then I had to fly to HK for work. And while everything is going on there's been major changes in my work structure and projects are finally coming to bud (knock on wood). I've had major tests on patience and professionalism. I've feared for my future. I've welcomed my future. It's all a hot mess, one that has prevented me from really blogging for the last 6 weeks. However, I still carry my camera around, so I have a major backlog of material to post. It's like staring at a textbook a day before the test.... should I cram or should I just burn the book?

Thus, photodump. Because it's midnight and I still have a month's worth of sleep to catch up. 

Synopsis -- I was a crazy girl who woke up at 4am while on vacation in Hawaii so I could take pretty pictures with O'ahu Photography Tour. Worth it? Totally. Alex, the tour operator, was super nice and chill. He took us to all these special places that he's staked out, so you get to see another side of O'ahu... it feels like it's your secret adventure, one with nature. Hope you enjoy. :)

Sunrise.

It was overcast, but I didn't mind... gave it a mystical feel.

Lovely Liza, the only other crazy who thought it was a great idea to wake up at 4am.

Yes, we were the only two people on the tour.

I love wildflowers.

Oh, hai!

Took this one through the car window (shaded) while enroute to another destination. 

I love looking through branch patterns, which here is mixed in with sky patterns. Double whammy!

More branch patterns! 

Or more accurately bamboo, which are grass stems. Did you know that? I did. Cookie pls.

These were tiny baby fern (?). 

Not sure exactly, but these tiny bright red shoots growing out of the mossy summer palace ruins caught my attention.

This reminded me of Spirited Away somehow...

Lush peace.

Kayakfornia Dreams

Me oh my, I don't know what happened... it seems like I've gotten lazy with blogging after coming back from Hawaii a month ago! I've been incredibly busy with work, family, friends... and my mom just landed in Shanghai a few days ago. Excuses excuses. :p But to be honest, I have so much going on right now that I haven't been in the mood to sit down and pound out a good entry. But the more you wait the greater the inertia...

OKAY SO WHERE WERE WE? 

Hawaiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jing, Sandy, Chris, Shaun and I went on an amazing day tour operated by Twogoodkayaks where we paddled our way across the sea from Oahu to Mokulua Island. Kevin, our tour guide, warned us that we'd end up burning at least 2000 calories kayaking that day... and boy it sure felt like it!!! Paddling in the sea is no joke, and when the waters get choppy you either fight your way through or you float back to shore. I for one am ALL FOR physically strenuous adventures... it's incredibly rewarding to be challenged while soaking in new experiences. That, my friends, is why I have the salty soul of a pirate captain. o_o HA.

Christopher Smee, my cabin boy.

He just got promoted from cupbearer.

Our tour guide surfing the waves with his kayak.

Mokulua Island is actually a bird sanctuary, where these birds (ah, don't remember what type) come to breed and lay their eggs. These birds actually spend their entire lives at sea, coming back to land only to hatch their chicks. As you can see, their nests are actually just holes in the ground. It's easy to squish them and their babies. Therefore we must actively protect them. o_o

A Chinese person would find you an easy meal....

Another thing about Mokulua Island is that Hawaiian royalty used to hold luaus around its naturally formed bath, called the Queen's Bath. Apparently that was the queen's special place to hold parties and stuff. I can see why, because it is gorgeous! Blue skies, green waters, dark rocks, white surf, clean air, calm skies.... I could have stayed out here all day.

Shaun. Me. Chris. Jing + John Locke from Lost??? O_O

Sandy pansied out, but she can't swim without floaties. :)

After exhausting 75% of our energy GETTING to Mokulua Island, it was a bit of a struggle RETURNING to Oahu. Kevin rewarded us nicely with several cups of sugary instant coffee, heated up by an ingenious little contraption made out of a soda can!!! Basically it's comprised of the bottoms of two soda cans stacked into each other bottoms out, becoming a little cylindrical box. Small holes are poked around the top, and when you fill the box with denatured alcohol (which you can find anywhere apparently) and set it on fire, tiny flames will come out just like it would in a stove. It's such a curious simple little thing. :)

Kevin making us gourmet coffee, Mokulua style. ^_~

It was very Sandy. -_-;;; HAHAHAHA.

And Chris' Castle, which I crushed mercilessly with my foot while cackling towards the sky.

My mates. :)

GROUP HUG! We conquered Mokulua and all its avian residents! They stood no chance.

Now onward to bigger adventures...

Mile High Club

ALOHA, THIS IS HAWAII !!!

I have awesome cursive thanks to my many summer days decorating cakes at Carvel. :)

I need to say one thing before I start this post --

MOM DON'T FREAK OUT ABOUT THE PLANE -- the opportunity just presented itself and I had to give it a try. There was a flight instructor sitting in the front, so if we went down in the ball of flames at least someone would know what to do. Like Stop, Drop, and Roll. Hahaha okay not funny... back to the show!

I touched down at Honolulu bright and early on Wednesday 7am, which meant that I had an entire glorious day to kick-off this holiday. :) Chris, one of my favoritest people in the world, picked me up from the airport and we headed over to our rental house at Ewa Beach. We shared this house with my "cousin" Shaun, and the always lovely couple Jerry and Shawna + Baby Bump "Jer-ju"! (Jerry Junior, real name still undetermined)

Shaun has been taking flying classes for quite some time already, and had booked out a small plane + instructor during his stay in Hawaii. His goal was to touch down on all 20+ airports on the Hawaiian archipelago, which meant I could hitch a ride with him to another island! We ended up at Kauai, where we had lunch at the Hilton and then hopped back to Oahu. :)

It's a wee little plane. Like a Mini Cooper!

I should have been more scared. But Shaun had enough confidence for two people. Plus I was totally jetlagged and passing out the entire time. :p

TAKEOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just skip to the 1:15 area, the first minute is just us sitting on the tarmac.

Beautiful breathtaking Honolulu.

If Christopher Columbus' detractors could see the world from this vantage point, it'd be obvious that the Earth is NOT flat! 

You can understand the appeal of flying now, can't you?

To be honest, I told myself that I'd never get on a small plane with Shaun piloting because it seemed way too dangerous. You're just a little sparrow in a sky full of Canada Geese, who knows if you're going to get run over by a 747!!!! However, it seemed surprisingly effortless for this Little Plane that Could to take off and to land... when we landed it seemed like the speed was pretty much similar to what you'd experience on the highway. Plus, the cockpit itself was equipped with a parachute that we could pull in case something happened, so at least we wouldn't meet a vertical demise (another story if we hurtled ourselves into a mountain). 

Being in a small plane makes you feel like the clouds are all the more reachable.

Fluffy, springy, cushy clouds... you just want to open your mouth and take a bite!

My best Maverick expression.

And this is why I love aviators. They can make everyone look semi-badass. :p

As you can see in the video, the propellers were quite loud... but all that noise were blocked out once you put the massive headphones on. With the headphones I could hear the control towers guiding our plane, as well as Shaun and the flight instructor doing profeshunal planetalk. It was super cool to get a glimpse on how the aviation system worked with pilots and control towers figuring out how to coordinate traffic in the airspace. As a pilot, you get so much freedom to go whereever you want to (except military restricted areas, and of course places with bad weather) -- no real traffic, no mountains, no bodies of water blocking your way. The control towers tell you when you can take off and land, as well as to watch out so we don't accidentally plow into the "meat popsicles" (skydivers). Yech... I may think twice before skydiving now...!

A huge mahalo to the wonderful and talented Shaun Ting for this unforgettable adventure in the sky. :)

Hawaii: Oregon Trail 2012

You're probably wondering what the heck is up with this post title. My recent flights to/from Hawaii were probably as harrowing as the Oregon Trail, the only difference is that I miraculously didn't come down with some horrible illness like dysentery or have to shoot squirrels for dinner.

Last week I traveled to Honolulu to celebrate Lulu and David's wedding -- it was an EPIC holiday where our closest group of college friends, many (such as myself) who are scattered all over the world, were able to spend a solid 4-5 days together. It was such an amazing trip, one that I will never forget. However, I also spent many an hour stranded at Shanghai's Pudong Airport and Tokyo's Narita Airport before and after Hawaii. There's no point in hashing out the details since United/Continental's shitty service is now legendary, but to sum up my "Oregon Trail" included:

- total of 9 hours being stranded at Pudong and Narita, luckily both airports have free wi-fi
- 2 missed connections at Narita (once due to delay, the other because they sold my seat even though I had received a boarding pass already)
- 1 broken luggage handle
- 1 missing luggage wheel
- 0 attempts of compensation
- 1 really annoyed/pissed off/resigned customer

Wah, why are you leaving without me? :(

During my internment at Narita Airport, I found that there was lots of duty free shopping, nice lounges, and plenty of curiosities to keep me occupied... for the first 3 hours. :p Unfortunately Japanese Yen is currently completely pwning the US Dollar right now, essentially wiping out any duty-free benefits. The exchange rate is ~80Y = $1 USD, which is totally nuts since it is normally anywhere between 110-100Y/$1. All I ended up buying was a wedding card, haha. :)

The public waiting areas at Narita are nicer than your average First Class lounges, right?

I also stumbled upon the Origami Museum, which kept me entertained for about an hour. It was very interesting since their displays went way beyond your usual crane and boat figures -- can you imagine the amount of time it took to make these dioramas?

Everyone loves fairy tales!

Cinderella looks like she's about to eat dirt. The Prince looks a bit tipsy, or perhaps he's trying to look up Cinderella's skirt. O_O

This peep-hole was my favorite because it was a bit of an optical illusion, using layers with different depths that added up into a complete scene.

My next several posts will be all about Hawaii, but right now I'm still recovering from all the travel I did over the last week (Seoul, Hawaii) and am quite sleepy. I can feel my brain clunking along.... it's time for bed. Aloha....